Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Beta
by SlvrSoleAlchmst1
Summary: It's time for Zero Requiem, but the palace coffers have no money left to execute the historical event. Lelouch has gone broke thanks to extravagance; he's ruined all chances at his 'punishment.' Lloyd has a plan to get enough funds back, but it involves beta testing a questionable project - a project that makes CC laugh... while Suzaku just wants to run for the hills.


"We're out of money," Lloyd said, and the others looked at him in consternation.

It was a baffling statement to be sure. Out of money, in the middle of a palace?

Emperor Lelouch stood regal. He blinked and adopted a passive expression. He held his hands folded blamelessly before him, but his knight Suzaku looked over at him. The glance betrayed a brief, directed frown.

Both knight and emperor kept quiet, however, which prompted the other two with them to answer.

"Out of money?" C.C. said. "I suggest you check your math." She brushed her hair over her shoulders, leaning more into the cushions of the couch. She didn't look behind her at where Lelouch still stood, calm and silent. "If I can order endless pizza without draining the accounts, there's no way _you_ could use it up." Her laugh cut through the drawing room. "Even mad science isn't expensive, compared to my pizza hunger. Unless you made some mistake, the treasury is hardly empty."

Lloyd gave C.C. a sour look, but Cècile replied before the situation escalated. Her hand lightly touched her mouth. "I don't think this is a laughing matter... or one to argue about."

Lloyd narrowed his eyes, his hands in his pockets. "It's not. When am I ever wrong about data and numbers?" No one saw him look at the emperor, but Lelouch give Lloyd a tiny nod. "It's my specialty," Lloyd said, sing-songing it... without humor. Then Lloyd turned sharply on his heel and stalked across the room — where next he leaned against the windowsill.

Cècile paced the length of the coffee table. "Considering everything else he can't seem to grasp outside his specialty, it makes sense to believe him," she murmured. "Empty accounts! How could it have happened? And why, at a time like this? When there's something so important…."

She turned, and her gaze found Suzaku, who uttered, "Zero Requiem."

Lelouch finally chose to speak. "There's no choice. We'll devise a way around it." He raised his chin, looking away from everyone. "We need money. There's no question that we can't proceed without it." For a moment, all souls in the room were quiet. "And we'll need the funding immediately."

Lloyd broke the quiet in time. He chuckled. "Shall I tell Nina to auction off the tapestries and silverware? Perhaps your hat, too, Your Majesty. It's a perfect—"

"No," Lelouch answered, a little gruffly. The room's occupants all shot glances at his emperor hat when he touched it possessively. Then, as if startled, Lelouch exclaimed, "C.C. can auction off her Pizza Hut mascot collection."

C.C. turned around abruptly on the couch to look at him.

Cècile raised her voice at that, to discourage the outbreak of an argument. "It would be best if we knew how much we needed, and how soon. If we came up with a budget plan, and had immediate steps we could follow, then perhaps we could make short work of rebuilding everything that was lost."

C.C. locked eyes with Lelouch. She very flatly spoke her mind. "Before we do that, shouldn't we know _why_ we need to rebuild it at all? What is it you want so much before you die, Lelouch, that you still needed a fortune to spend on it?" Cheese-kun had been a foot away from her, but now C.C. squeezed the stuffed cheese to her chest.

Suzaku twitched at C.C.'s words. He stepped a foot closer to Lelouch — then spoke in a voice that both chilled and resonated darkly. "He should be leaving his money for the people who will live after he dies."

Cècile uttered, "Now, now, Suzaku…"

The mood in the room grew awkward. C.C. hid her expression in Cheese-kun's fluffy yellow hide. She pulled her knees up to her chest.

Emperor and knight shared a grim, tension-fraught stare.

Lelouch moved his hand at first, like he'd reach out for something, but then dropped it back to his side. "Do you think I'd leave you wanting?" he asked Suzaku in a whisper.

Suzaku's frown only deepened. His response was equally low, terse, and hoarse. "Not me, Lelouch. Nunnally."

Lelouch agreed. "Nunnally. And Zero, _your_ Zero… and even Schneizel. Everyone who helped me, and who will serve you when you take my place. They can't be left to flounder, even if it's peaceful once I'm gone. I'm aware of that, I assure you. The fact of the matter was, I simply just—"

Lloyd, still at the windowsill, was grinning a lopsided grin. He interrupted the exchange. "What would you be willing to sacrifice, Your Majesty, to get your money back for that?"

Lelouch opened his mouth immediately, but Suzaku said — more quickly — "Anything."

"Anything?" Lloyd's eyes wandered to Cècile. "I thought so. In that case, we always do have 'that.'"

A blur of myriad expressions jumped across Cècile's face, pages on a flipbook. " _Lloyd!_ No! I forbid trying that."

"What? The emperor is on his way to die. He could at least have some fun first…."

Suzaku, C.C., and Lelouch remained impassive — as Cècile flew like an orange flame across the room. She seized Lloyd by the ear.

"Oww! All right – but still it's true—"

"When will you learn some sensitivity? Think about Suzaku's feelings as well! His Majesty's death is not a joke!"

Suzaku watched the scene unfold, without truly seeming to register it. He didn't turn to look at Lelouch as he repeated, "Anything."

"Yes... as you will it, Suzaku. In this, if you wish it, I'm yours to command. Zero Requiem now hangs in the balance—"

"Wait. I'm sorry. Zero Requiem?" Suzaku's already-cold-hearted countenance went flat. "As in, actual progression of the plan, and the ability to have it carried out? You're saying that we can't even afford _that_?" A period of silence extended. Lelouch examined his boots on the floor. "You're saying that it's not just the fortune for _after_ Requiem you've lost?"

Lelouch cleared his throat, covering the sound with one pale hand. "Of course we can't afford that if we're broke. Do you think a parade float is hired for nothing? And there's an execution fee for every person put to death. I may not plan to have any of the prisoners actually killed, but do you think that we can have people in chains lined up first, without paying for it?"

"If that's really the case, Lelouch... why shouldn't I just kill you now, without the pomp and circumstance?" Suzaku's voice stayed deadly calm.

"You know why, damn it, Suzaku..."

C.C. ignored Suzaku and Lelouch, instead watching Cècile as Cècile continued whacking Lloyd across the head. "Then what are some better ideas?" C.C. at least seemed to ask everyone. "What do we have, that will save us in time?"

"Aren't you a witch?" Lelouch asked, trying his best still to avoid Suzaku's glare. "Make a spell to find something."

C.C. laughed a short, harsh laugh. Lloyd's loud complaints seemed to punctuate it... but no one was listening to him. "Why not get your other minion to arrange a solution for you, Lelouch?" she said. "Where is he, anyway — the final person who's part of this, your Requiem plan? Is he off building you a shrine?"

Lelouch said, "Jeremiah Gottwald is off crying in his room. He was devastated when I told him we had gone flat broke. He blamed himself, and insisted he'd spent too many royal resources putting down the last rebellions."

Cècile removed her boot at that point, to keep hitting Lloyd with it.

Suzaku spoke in monotone. "But he didn't really spend too many, did he? And you knew that we had gone broke before even Lloyd had figured it out. You just didn't tell anybody."

"Correct."

Suzaku asked what C.C. had. " _Why_ have we now gone broke, Lelouch?"

Lelouch could avoid the question no more. He dramatically flung one hand into the air. "Did you think I would spare any available expenses while I was still alive and in charge here? Nunnally needed to be made comfortable in her prison. I thus purchased her a chandelier, furs, stuffed animals..." The list went on for quite some time. "After that, Kallen required a very costly pair of restraints that she couldn't break out of… and that she couldn't destroy herself with. She as well requested some rather distasteful reading material, to keep herself 'entertained,' and I think she requested it ironically, but I bought her the contents of an entire adult store anyway. Then there was Sumeragi, and Todoh, and everyone else who needed..." The list went on, until C.C. and Suzaku's eyes resembled platters in their size. Lelouch finally paused.

Somewhere behind Lelouch, Lloyd shouted, "Aaah, mercy!"

"And there was the matter of the two of you." This time Lelouch was more quiet.

Suzaku scowled more, and C.C. burrowed further into Cheese-kun. But as Lelouch kept talking, their reactions changed.

"You two mean more to me than anyone else besides Nunnally. Did you think I wouldn't dive into the very linings of the royal purses, to ensure you could have anything you desired — especially while I was still around to see you enjoy it? C.C., I wanted to make you smile. I bought off the Pizza Hut stores, so they'd cater only to you. Suzaku… I'll never obtain your forgiveness, but nevertheless I would grant you the universe, as an apology. Anything you wish—"

Suzaku flinched. "Money couldn't _ever_ buy—"

"Aha~! Look at their mournful faces, Cècile. It wouldn't be so bad, really, to ask them to engage in that. If money's what we need for Requiem—"

"Just because it _sells_ ," cried Cècile, "does not mean I would violate Suzaku in such a fashion!"

Her voice echoed, in the absence of Lelouch and Suzaku's conversation.

Cècile flushed a cherry red upon realizing the room had gone silent. Suzaku matched it instantly – all of his knightly somberness forgotten in favor of being flustered.

"I— sorry, what?" Suzaku said.

Lloyd said, "To be fair, I wouldn't want to violate him either. That's why I'm still averse to this project. As if that's what Devicers should be for! But I recall what you said at the time, Cècile, because Prince Schneizel—"

"Don't tell anybody what I said," Cècile wailed.

"—and anyway, at least you're a woman, Cècile. Suzaku, you don't mind that, do you?"

C.C. dropped Cheese-kun to one side and sat up straighter on the couch. "Now _this_ is making progress. Someone tell me a few more details."

Suzaku flushed harder, and Lelouch tisked.

"Your Majesty," Lloyd squeaked, as Cècile went again for his reddened right ear. "There's a project I have. And it just might solve our problems. It's—"

"We accept," C.C. responded instantly. She didn't noticed Lelouch's eyebrow twitch. "We don't have the luxury of time to try anything else. If your idea fails, scientist, we can worry about it then. For now, I'm sick of sitting on the couch."

Lelouch didn't challenge her.

Cècile still looked like she would argue, but C.C. gave the other woman a tight smile.

"Especially if right now we can't afford pizza," C.C. added darkly.

And that settled the whole deal.

* * *

Lloyd held up a tiny sensor. "These," he said. "These need to be tested." He stuck one behind his ear in demonstration, and then promptly peeled the sticky, flat thing away.

C.C. glanced pleasantly around the Knightmare hangar, obviously the most eager regarding the strange demonstration. "Tell us what they are and why."

"The 'why' part, I think, is a bit easier." The person who spoke was Cècile. She walked around to the table with Lloyd, taking over explanation. "These were a tool developed for Knightmare pilot use, but initial testing proved them to be far too complex, risky, and inconsistent. As such, research on them has been indefinitely suspended… but someone that Prince Schneizel knew took interest in the technology."

"Who?" Lelouch questioned immediately.

"Classified," Lloyd said at once, giving the word some extra melody.

Lelouch just gave Lloyd an imperious look, as if to remind that he was _emperor_.

Lloyd made a noise between a grunt and a sigh. He picked up a tablet with glowing numbers, and replied, "Kanon Maldini. He thought if we couldn't proceed with testing these doo-dads as an enhancement for the Knightmare pilots, we could turn the research to a different area. 'A better and more useful area,' he called it. Although I still have my doubts."

"Oh?" laughed C.C.. "You have doubts? But you seemed to think this was our best idea."

Lloyd looked sour, like there was some ironic, twisted joke he wasn't sure he should explain. "It's at least better than being broke, and failing to complete Zero Requiem, I've mostly been assuming."

Suzaku nodded vigorously, until Lelouch — seemingly by accident — roughly elbowed his knight in the side. "Ah, pardon," the emperor whispered.

"And," Lloyd went on, "it should be even better than that, if I don't have to participate in it~! Other than from outside, that is. Can't very well escape that much." Lloyd made a face and poked at his tablet. "That is what I get for being the brains." He showed them a blueprint. "See here. The specs on the little doo-dads."

Lelouch looked at them, musing. He said, "Maldini was Schneizel's aide de camp. Schneizel was planning for world takeover in Damocles. What would have been more useful to him, in that case, than gearing this research toward piloting Knightmares? What could he have had in mind that would have served him and Schneizel better?"

Cècile made a little sound. She hid herself behind her hand.

Lloyd laughed, a little wildly. "One thing at a time, shall we? The point is that Maldini paid to put this technology back into beta. Behind the scenes, of course. So it was lots and lots of money being thrown."

"Typical Britannian," Lelouch muttered.

"Meaning," Lloyd said, "that he'll owe us an even larger sum if we complete the final round of testing, and fine tune the technology to the uses he had in mind."

"If that's been the case," asked Suzaku, "why didn't you complete the work sooner?"

"Because he neglected to give us a deadline… and that's why I haven't given a damn lately about finishing the work, you see." Lloyd had that sour look again. Suzaku tilted his head, appearing naive.

"And now Maldini is locked up with Schneizel," said Lelouch, oblivious to the different expressions on the faces around him. "Will his funds be accessible?"

Lloyd fixed his uneasy look on Lelouch. "Even if not, aren't you the emperor? Don't you have the Gea—"

"Lloyd." Suzaku interrupted. He'd been gazing at the leg of nearby Lancelot. The knight flexed and unflexed his fingers, while the white and gold still held his eyes. "If we agree to help test this, and we get you the results you need, will we have enough money to afford to finish Zero Requiem?"

Lloyd sighed. "I imagine ten times over."

There was silence, as everyone weighed it.

"And now I can let Cècile finish telling you the details. Hope you all don't change your minds."

Cècile was blushing again. As she began to speak, she stammered. "Th-these sensors," she held one up, "transmit thoughts, emotions, and desires from the primary user to the secondary user. You, Your Majesty, and Miss C.C…. you've been inside a Knightmare Frame that seats two pilots, haven't you? I'm sure it was never easy to manage."

"Never. But we are exceptionally good at what we do." When Lelouch said it, C.C. smiled.

"Not everyone is." Cècile smiled back. "The development company wanted more two-seater Knightmare Frames – for their outstanding power and durability – but the problem was matching pilots with each other. In a battle situation, you can't just match up anyone. If the copilots don't think similarly, or simply aren't good at cooperating, there's a high chance they'll hinder each other, rather than work as a successful unit."

"But finding two compatible pilots takes time," Lloyd cut in — apparently forgetting he'd given explanation privileges to Cècile. "No one has time nowadays… yet no one wants to risk destroying the machines they've poured resources into because they neglected to recruit the proper Devicers, either."

"So there are these." Suzaku picked up a sensor. Lloyd had spread a pile of them out across the table. They were almost paper-thin, and mostly clear, but for the small sensing mechanism underneath the sticky layer.

"They read and transmit brain waves through the skin," said Cècile. "The developers wanted a way for pilots to communicate nonverbally and near instantaneously, to better manage reactions on the battlefield. The idea was that the primary pilot would be able to give orders and convey ideas – even instinctive feelings – to the secondary pilot. It would optimize the way they worked together. And the speed of reaction times."

"But it didn't work," Suzaku said darkly.

"No, it didn't," said Lloyd, just as seriously. He tapped at his tablet. He showed them all a picture of pilots who looked to be screaming. Their hands clutched their heads, and bloodshot eyes rolled back to show rounded whites. "The secondary pilots always ended up too inundated with the primary pilots' emotions and thought-waves. The effect was always overload. I've never seen so many parts get broken..."

Suzaku had gone slightly pale. He exchanged a glance with Lelouch, and said softly only one word. "Akito."

"It isn't necessarily the same as what happened in the EU," Lelouch replied. Then, "Don't remind me of Julius Kingsley."

Suzaku replied to Lelouch's former statement. "It's just as unnerving as what happened there, with pilots all feeling what Akito did."

"So the technology failed," C.C. said, waving her hand so that Lloyd would continue. "It caused calamity in the pilots instead of calm collection. You were told to stop pursuing the research. But Maldini wanted to play more with the sensors, with transmitting— how did you word it, Cècile? Emotions and desires."

Cècile met C.C.'s eye and blushed. It seemed to satisfy C.C. somehow.

C.C. said, "I thought so. Oh, this is golden."

Cècile cleared her throat before she replied. "Yes, it is as you're thinking. The next sensible way to use technology like this is for the sexual experience. Or— or so said Sir Maldini, when he ordered all this."

Lelouch and Suzaku both stepped backward as if they'd been stuck.

" _What?"_ Suzaku hissed.

C.C. chuckled. "I love it."

"That's how I feel," Lloyd told the two thunderstruck boys sullenly, ignoring the witch. "I would much rather make love to the Lancelot than let someone control my feelings in the bedroom. And the Lancelot would probably screw me in two! Not to mention, His Majesty's Geass allows him to control others, correct? I can't see you being very eager to reverse power like that."

"Even so." Cècile Spoke again. "Human beings have always thought endlessly about sex, and you wouldn't make love to anything except your research anyway, Lloyd"

C.C. told them all, snorting, "This is absolutely brilliant."

Lelouch stood still for a long time. Then he straightened his cloak and cleared his throat. After a moment more, he brushed past Suzaku and back toward the table that held the doo-dads. "So, obviously the more dominate partner would be the primary user. He or she puts a sensor on behind their ear, and a matching one on their submissive partner. Then, using thoughts and will, the partner is convinced to do anything that primary user wants. To _feel_ whatever the primary user wants. Like using the Geass I have, yes, only…."

"Only vastly more intimate and complicated," C.C. told him. "And without limits." She grinned like the Cheshire cat.

"You're enjoying all this?" Lelouch asked her.

"Sex is the next best topic after pizza."

"Very well. Then be my primary user. Test on me, and we'll get this over with."

C.C.'s eyes flew wide, until it seemed that she might burst in laughter.

Suzaku walked up and grabbed Lelouch's arm. "Absolutely not," Suzaku said. He held on so Lelouch's sleeve got wrinkled. "You two have a Geass contract with each other. We don't know how that affects connection. I can't let anything happen to you, not before—"

"Before you're able to kill me? Is that your true concern, Suzaku, or do you simply feel like cock-blocking me right now?"

Lloyd dropped his face in his palm. Suzaku hissed.

Then Suzaku let Lelouch's sleeve go. He backed up straight into C.C.. C.C. hadn't laughed, but she stood poised, looking avidly between them.

"I don't…" Suzaku faltered next. "You don't… actually have to engage in anything sexual to test this!" Suzaku looked to Lloyd, but Lloyd didn't nod to confirm what was said. "You can just… send _thoughts_ along, and... and—"

"And end up with a bothersome erection?" Lelouch picked a speck of gray lint off his sleeve, smoothing at after Suzaku had crushed it. "Why wouldn't I want to go all the way? Don't look at me like that, Knight of Zero. I'm as human as the rest of you."

Cècile had her face stuffed in her hands now, too.

Lloyd crossed his arms over his chest and said, "I never asked to know these things about our royalty, did I?"

"Lelouch!" Suzaku scowled.

"Suzaku." Lelouch looked Suzaku straight in the eyes.

"Just because the use of this technology is going to be sexual _now_ doesn't mean that in order to beta test it we have to involve actual sexual acts."

Lelouch raised an eyebrow at his staunch knight. "Oh, I'm willing to bet it does."

Cècile peeped out from behind her hands. She said, "X-rated thoughts and emotions and carrying them through with physical actions can't really be avoided, if we want the beta system and the real system to work seamlessly."

"Now you know – again – why I've been avoiding this project." Lloyd looked at Suzaku when he said it. "Next time you consider punching me, remember that the whole time you've worked for me, I was trying to spare us all from this."

"St-still," said Suzaku. He appeared distressed. "Lelouch shouldn't do this alone. This kind of delicate sensing and transmission—"

"Well, I'm not doing it with _you_ ," Lelouch interrupted, "and I would hardly say it's your decision." Lelouch glanced around after that, daring anybody to defy him.

Suzaku moved his mouth, but no more words came out.

Then Lelouch held out his hand to C.C.

C.C. appeared surprised for half an instant. Then she gave a laugh, and sauntered over to give Lelouch her hand.

"Will something like this make you smile?" Lelouch asked.

"Only if you're good at it."

Lelouch said, "I have no choice but to excel — even though it will be my first try. Judging by the look on Suzaku's face, he may kill me even before Zero Requiem. If I only have one shot at pleasure, I won't waste the moment. That I can promise."

"Hmn." C.C. hummed pleasantly. Lelouch kissed the back of her hand. "Well, if you let me be the primary user and transmit directions, there's a thing or two I'll teach you that I think might aid the process. Of all the years I've been immortal, I've picked up some parlor tricks."

"Stop it!" Suzaku yelled protest. He nearly backed into Arthur — who had come into the hangar at all the commotion, meowing loudly. Suzaku scooped the cat up and held Arthur possessively against his chest. "At least take it to the bedroom. We don't all need to witness this."

"For a teenaged boy," Lloyd said to no one in particular, "Suzaku is rather prude, I've decided."

"All of us except Lloyd will have to witness something or other, in that vein," Cècile said. When she spoke, they all turned toward her. "Lloyd will monitor the readings on the computer here. S-Suzaku, you and I will have to go as well; there's no way around it."

"Go as well? To... to what? _Watch_ them?"

"To participate."

" _P_ _articipate?_ " The Knight of Zero seemed to be having some kind of conniption.

"Not like that!" Cècile looked younger than her years, clutching at the hem of her skirt. "You and I will also have to put on sensors and use them! One set of data is never enough."

Lloyd said, "Cècile is correct. We don't have the luxury of time to wait to use one set of people twice."

"Is that a comment about my stamina?" Lelouch asked, his voice dipping.

"It's a comment about data. Varied test subjects is always better. Having two sources is better than one."

Suzaku held Arthur with one hand, and buried the other into his brown hair. "M-Miss Cècile, I don't think we…."

"I know, Suzaku. But it's me, or… or Lloyd."

Lloyd said loudly, "And I pass~!" He spun in a little circle.

Arthur squirmed. Suzaku let the cat down. "I can't," he said, decisively. "My heart belongs to Euphy."

Lelouch had already begun walking away. At that, he stopped.

C.C. remained as well, watching Suzaku closely.

Lelouch said, "This has nothing to do with hearts. It's just physical, Suzaku."

"Then," Suzaku asked him, "your heart? Your feelings regarding C.C.?"

"Demon emperors don't have hearts. No one knows that better than my witch accomplice. Come, C.C.."

"A bit soon for that," C.C. responded.

Lelouch seemed to bite back a grin.

"Hold it a moment more," Lloyd said to them.

Suzaku hadn't moved. Nor had Cècile. C.C. hesitated slightly, but Lelouch refused to turn around. "What is it?" Lelouch asked of them.

"I think, at your rate, you'll skew all the data."

"What does that mean?" Lelouch said.

"It _means_ that at the rate you want to do this, there won't be any room to test the actual persuasive power of the sensors." Lloyd had his arms folded, as he looked accusingly at Lelouch and C.C..

Lelouch, very slowly, turned back. He strode in his fine white clothes back to where all the rest were standing, clustered around Lloyd's table there at the feet of Lancelot. "You're saying that we're both too eager. That if we're too willing and too compatible from the start, of course we'll sync our thoughts and our desires easily and perfectly."

C.C. chimed in. "What works so well for us with our chemistry," she said, "might not work for other people. Basing the data off us isn't optimal."

"It could be," answered Cècile. She shot an uncertain look at Lloyd. "But there really isn't a way to be sure, unless we...?"

C.C. looked at Suzaku. "Fine. Whatever's easier. I'm not picky. I've been immortal too long to be sentimental about my partners."

Both Suzaku and Lelouch experienced rapid changes of expression, letting out small choking noises.

C.C. didn't appear fazed. "In the end, Lelouch, you care about Nunnally and seeing Requiem through to the end more than you care about bedding me, don't you?" She asked it with little intonation. "Because _my_ decision to do this is for no more than that. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Lelouch took a deep breath. A long few moments passed in silence. Finally, he looked at C.C. levelly. "Yes," he told her. "Yes... and you're right. I suppose if I'm to miss out on this, then it's fine if it's for Nunnally. I need to carry my decisions through to the end. Very well. I give my consent. Suzaku… take her. But if you manhandle her…."

"I won't! This plan doesn't have _my_ consent!" Suzaku walked around the table to join Lloyd, who had replaced his tablet with a few computers. "Tell Kanon Maldini to take his plan to the EU, if he wants technology that—"

"There's no more EU, Suzaku," Lelouch said. "I've united the world under my sole rule."

Suzaku groaned and chewed his lip. Then he slammed his hand down on the table. "Call Lord Gottwald from his room."

"You want me to have sex with him instead?" C.C. asked casually. "Or _you_ want to? Either would be—"

"No!" Suzaku stamped one black boot. "I want him to come up with a better plan to make us money!"

Lelouch spoke firmly. "Well, there isn't one. Or at least, there isn't one able to be carried out as fast as this."

"'Fast,' you say," Lloyd murmured. "Shame for C.C., really. There's one thing I don't miss about youth."

Lelouch didn't seem to hear him. "Lloyd has incredible engineering and programming skills. Once he has the data he needs, I have no doubt he'll fine-tune it quickly. A good round between the sheets, at our young and inexperienced age… it wouldn't take days; it would only take hours." He didn't seem to realize, either, how skeptically now even Suzaku was looking at him. "Maybe not even that. How should I know? The point is, we have no other immediately accessible options, and frankly, Suzaku, I don't see why you're opposed to it."

"You're a virgin, aren't you," Suzaku said. And then, "And you want to lose your virginity that badly, before you have to die."

"Who doesn't?" Lelouch asked him.

Suzaku clapped a palm over his face and swore under his breath.

"Unless, of course, the answer to that is you," Lelouch completed.

"I'm not a virgin," Suzaku muttered. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he shut his eyes and winced.

Lelouch's reply was like a glass-shard to the face. " _Oh?_ So help me, Suzaku Kururugi, if it was with one of my sisters—"

"It's really none of your business!"

"Actually, Knight of Zero, I think it is my business. Who do you think you are?"

"I have an idea."

They stopped. Cècile spoke softly, but she repeated herself. "An idea. It would give Lloyd all the data he could possibly need. It would also make the exercise enough of a challenge that we'd truly be testing the technology's abilities – every single one of us – rather than blindly indulging ourselves in something we might already want. It would require us all to cooperate, which is what two consenting adults in the bedroom are doing anyway… and what copilots have to do. That way maybe we can still salvage some safe data for the Knightmare Frames as well. The original use for these sensors. Would you be opposed to that still, Suzaku?"

Suzaku had located Arthur again; he pet his cat while his cat jump onto and then walked the table. "I don't know. I don't…." He rubbed one of his temples, sighing. "Cècile, what are you asking me to agree to?"

"I would like your consent to impress my emotions, my instinct, and my will upon you for the purpose of controlling your physical body in a sexual foray, for the sake of Emperor Lelouch vi Britannia's plan called Zero Requiem." Cècile's face was tomato red again beneath her indigo hair, but she delivered the statement with a soldier's professionalism.

Suzaku didn't yelp at all when Arthur, in the middle of it, scratched him hard enough to draw blood.

"Suzaku."

Suzaku looked at Lelouch, when Lelouch spoke out his first name.

"Don't make me have to order you to do it," was all Lelouch said to him.

"You can't. You've already Geassed me."

"I can, because I've watched you long enough to know you have an order fetish — or you simply prefer to avoid the art of thinking for yourself at any cost. I'm not above exploiting either one."

Suzaku chewed his lip again, and looked around at all of them.

Lloyd replied, "Look at this, everyone; I've drawn up waiver forms!"

Suzaku, when asked if he would like to sign one, only shook his head. Instead, Suzaku's green eyes found Lelouch.

"Agree, Suzaku — so we can get on with this. Lelouch vi Britannia commands it of you." Lelouch picked up a stylus and signed the digital waver. C.C. rolled her eyes, signing one after him.

Suzaku said, "Yes, Your Majesty."

* * *

 **Author Note:** _I don't usually write humor. Sorry if this is clunky. I just had the ridiculous idea and had to run with it (although I still try to treat Requiem somewhat seriously, because I respect it so much, I couldn't help picking on the characters as much as possible, LOL). There will be one more chapter eventually, probably if people bug me enough. :P_


End file.
